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Writer's picturelondonifa

When life hits you hard with a brick


I've been mostly "missing" from social platforms for around a year now; and almost entirely on Linkedin. Projects and podcasts shelved as life came with some big blows.


The reasons for this were that my world changed dramatically on 28th July 2023. What happened after this date, were a series of things that can be described in polite terms as major life events. During the last 12 months, the last thing I have wanted to do is write articles or contribute. It has been a year of tremendous struggle, survival, loss, mostly bad and hard days, feeling serious fatigue and almost losing all hope. It has also been a time for serious over-thinking, second guessing and losing trust in myself.


Where I am today is a world away from the personal rock bottom I hit in early February this year. Having had a fair and helping wind for 10 years, without any big negative events happening to me, I did not necessarily get complacent but I would say my resilience muscles atrophied. In fact, I announced to my now ex-wife last June that I felt we were due a run of bad luck as people around us were having very tough times with lots of issues of their own. Boy oh boy, did I call it on !


In the last year, I have had to go through a divorce and see my daughter significantly less than I am used to. I lost my father to a terminal illness battle that lasted 8 short but very tough months. I had to legally evict a tenant for unpaid rent for 12 months, move back to London and am about to leave London again as my new property purchase has yet to complete (so am technically without a place to live although I have an amazing best friend who is taking me in to bridge the gap).


This is not a "poor me" blog.


I have learned so much in the last year, and am finally ready to share my thoughts and takeaways from big life lessons I have experienced first-hand; and a year of full-on therapy has given me. What I have learned is that everybody is going through something, the impermanence of things in life, and now find myself truly having empathy as people go though tough situations. I also realise the true lack of control I have in my life; a real myth -buster !


The road from bottom to up started in March when I attended a conference in Florida, named Shift. It was the first change of scene I had experienced since September last year, and was all about behavioral finance; a topic I love. It was there I saw a talk on Life Transitions and planning with and around them. I felt like the speaker, Susan Bradley, was talking just to me in a room filled with hundreds of delegates. I felt a personal shift, and it started something new inside me. I felt optimistic and curious about life for the first time in almost 8 months. I am now in training to become a Financial Life Transitions planner and this path has also assisted me in understanding the phases of all kind of life transitions, and how delicately they need to be handled.


Losing my father two months ago, has freed up head space and time for me to get back to certain things in life.; and to continue with the goals and plans that had been put on ice. There is a guilt attached to that as well, which I will cover another time; as part of a little series of stories about all these situations over the coming weeks and months. The first one will cover marriage and divorce and the emotional and financial impacts they can have on all the people involved.


Whatever you are facing, stay strong!


Adrian

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